OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
