I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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