so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
