i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
