The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize