Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
