Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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