My sheets look like a crime scene.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize