Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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