dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize