The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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