there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
