yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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