Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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