in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
