you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Drunk walkin through police station. America
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
