If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize