If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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