I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
