I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
