Sponge bath it is.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
