I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
