***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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