I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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