I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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