Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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