It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize