My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
