i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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