i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
