So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
