My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
