at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
