im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She's the barista slut.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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