I want to make a zoo with you.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you win again, gameday.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
