Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
