you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
