so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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