so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Someone came in the potted fern
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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