i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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