Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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