Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
as a side note pls kill me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
