And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yo dont text me then not text me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
