..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
