I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
