if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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