I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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