The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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