I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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