im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
