He had one of those small greek statue penises
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
