OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
