I think my fart just growled at me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
