I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
