Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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