you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
