the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
