OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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