she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
