He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
