I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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