I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
