Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it was like eating out sand paper
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
