I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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