Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
