please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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