My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
