It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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