No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
