nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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