my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
