hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
