I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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