Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
