she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
