God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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