how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
