I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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