If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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