I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
