So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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