Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
