i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
