when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
