I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
