Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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