Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
