I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
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