Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
