then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
