he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
