If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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