If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
